The following story is true. Some of the names have been changed to protect the hopelessly bewildered.
2:00 am. Someplace in Arizona.
Ring . . . ring . . . ring . . . A groggy voice answers the phone. “Hello?”
“Is this Robert?”
“Uh, yeah . . .”
“Robert Buchanan, the guy who runs Airguns of Arizona?”
“Yeah, that’s me.”
“I just wanted to ask you a question: how do you get the nivelsheave bearings back in the turboencabulator?”
“What are you talking about???”
“Well, you sold me this Zippy-Doo 3000 air rifle . . .”
“Yeah, I remember that.”
“It arrived today, and I was taking it apart to see how it worked, and now I’m having a little trouble getting the nivelsheave bearings back in the turboencabulator.”
“Was there something wrong with the air rifle when it arrived?”
“I don’t know. I haven’t shot it yet.”
“Let me get this straight: you spent nearly two thousand dollars on one of the finest air rifles known to man, you haven’t shot it yet, but you’ve taken it apart, and now you’re having trouble putting it back together again?”
“That’s about right.”
“Well, let me tell you a couple of things. First, you have voided the warranty. Second, you’ll have to send it back to us, we’ll put it back together, and we’ll charge you for the repair.”
“Repair? But that’s so unfair – this is a brand new air rifle!”
“It was until you started taking it apart.”
The story above really happened. When Robert told it to me, I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry, it was so preposterous. It is, however, a superb example of what not to do with an airgun.
If you are fortunate enough to have a brand new airgun, do not take it apart. You will void the warranty. Airguns of Arizona will charge you a fee to rescue you, and it will be sooooo fair.
Here’s another thing you shouldn’t do with an airgun: do not shoot at resilient spherical objects.
I was shooting with my brother-in-law one Sunday afternoon. We got a little bored and decided to see what would happen if we shot at a “super ball,” one of those really resilient, super bouncy balls. I guess we thought it might explode or something.
With the first shot, nothing happened, except we heard this really weird sound: pah-whaaaaaaaang!
We couldn’t figure out what it was, so we tried again. Pah-whaaaaaaaaang-whack! A spent pellet slammed into the deck just above my brother-in-law’s head. The resilient sphere was returning the pellets directly back at us, and with a good deal of velocity. I’ve also heard of field target shooters getting similar results plinking at tennis balls hung from a tree.
So, don’t take your brand new airgun apart, and don’t shoot at resilient spherical objects.
Til next time, aim true and shoot straight.